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by Miranda Reese




The Sam & Rachel Reese Household

revertere ad warrentum 

C A T  M E M O 

To:          Miranda Reese 

From:        Dorothy Jinkins “Jinks” Reese 

           CC: Benjamin “Ben” de la Crème Reese 

RE:          The lizard I dropped on you last week 


Ben and I have been discussing your latest failure during hunting lessons and how things should proceed. We both noted how you screamed and flailed around when you realized there was a lizard on your face, and if we are being honest, we think this was one of your weakest performances yet. Everyone is aware that you can be disoriented when you wake up from your weird–incredibly long– night naps, but in the future, please grab the lizard with your hand and eat it instead of flinging it out into the back garden. Lizards are very hard to come by in this economy–the one where you won’t let us go outside–and we were very disappointed to watch you waste one. 


We do admit, however, that we have never observed you eating a lizard before, so we have considered that perhaps you do not enjoy lizards. Ben thought that perhaps you do not like lizards’ creepy little claws. However, I don’t think that could possibly be the case because I have creepy little claws, and you don’t have a problem scooping me up and kissing me on my little head. Considering you also did not enjoy the cricket we dropped on you last month, so I assert that you do not like furless creatures. If that is the case, we apologize for this oversight and would like you to know that it was not our intention to force un-delicious creatures on you; we were simply trying to pick animals that couldn’t bite you that hard since you are tender and pink like a baby rat. 

Going forward, we will be dropping exclusively furry creatures on you so that you might feel more motivated to apply yourself. We cannot give you an exact timeline, as part of your training involves being ready for anything at any moment. I know you have been feeling demoralized by not being able to hunt, but I want to assure you that once you get it down, you will become an invaluable asset to the team. Just keep your eye on the prize and think about the size of prey you can drag home once you get the basics down! 


Please keep up your considerable efforts and start sleeping with one eye open. 


(Transcribed by Miranda Reese) 

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