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The Mistress

by Arletth Fraga

My dad had a mistress.

I caught him once,

with her, in a dark room.

That's when my suspicions were confirmed.

That is also when my dear startedm

of a broken home, and a broken heart.

But the scariest part was,

he could leave us for her,

in a blink of an eye,

at any moment in time.

As I looked back, I could see the signs.

The way he thought about her,

the way he hid her,

of the way her wouldn't spend time with us.

As I looked back, I could see it,

in his eyes, in his voice, and in his actions.

And then, I blinked.

When I was only 15 years old,

my dad left us for his mistress.

He wanted her, he desired her, and he got her.

When I was 15,

I thought she scary, ugly, and sad.

But as I grew older, I began to know her,

Understand her, and even kind of want her,

I knew it was wrong when my dad had her,

But slowly, I started to understand how he felt.

I caught myself desiring her,

And wanting her more and more.

And the more I wanted her,

The more I knew I had to have her.

I had her in my dreams,

I had her in my midnight thoughts,

And thought about having her,

All day, every day.

When I got fired from my job,

I thought about her.

The lonely nights when I fought with my wife,

I wanted her.

But when I found out I couldn't have kids,

I knew I had to have her.

When I was tired of trying,

I prayed, and said,

"Oh Lord, I know this is wrong in your eyes.

I know I shouldn't want her, but I do.

I should be happy with my life but I'm not.

And if my dad had her, why can't I?

Oh lord, please help me."

Finally, when all hope was lost,

I blinked one last time,

But my eyes never opened again.

Her name... Suicide

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