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To Be in Someone's Heart

by Kellan Pham

(Lyrics from the song “Especially for You” by Kylie M. & Jason D.) 

 

          How sweet to know that our loved ones solely think of us while being far away. That calming and peaceful feeling knowing that somehow you have managed to claim a place in a heart. 

          That honey-golden summer, when the sun cast just enough of radiance over the new grass, made it seemed smooth as a breeze passed by. The cloud emerged to give the sky a smoother, velvety appearance, without obscuring the beam of light. Summer air found me sitting on the back torn-up porch, holding father's old tape player while observing the delicate movements of the long, silken grass. He was so far from us, not in distance, but in our hearts. Perhaps it was because mother told me he found a better home. Or perhaps it was my sister who said father found relief the day he drove away. 

          Those little clouds seemed to vanish for a moment, allowing the sun to emit more brightness that made my eyes wet. Yes, the cloud was to blame. The sun was innocent, I said. 

          My father also left a cassette tape. Apparently, he was in a hurry, mother said. This Jason Donovan tape was his favorite. I thought I was his favorite, too. Or maybe I never knew what he really liked. 

          As the soft summery wind traveled and lifted my hair, it felt calming the way she fondled it. The liquid gold beam laid his color on the funnily chopped off hair of mine. Sister said boys were supposed to have hair like that. 

          I untangled the grey earphones that seemed to intertwine like they were hugging, it felt cruel to separate them. I took a deep breath and pressed the worn-off plated silvery play button on the deck player and thought to myself, this is what father listened to. 

 

“All the time we were apart I thought of you” 

     And if dreams were wings, you know, I would have flown to you” 

 

          I was too young to understand the concept of love. Given the sweet lyrics, in my childish mind, love could exist between people who were thousands of miles apart. Yet, maybe love alone was never enough. If my father had had wings, he may have chosen to be closer to us. Maybe on the next course of summer, when the light caresses the silky long grass, the honeyed sun shines his shimmers on my grownout hair, and the wind that tingles my little ears, father would return home with some more music. 

 

“To be where you are, no matter how far 

     And now that I'm next to you” 

          As the breeze continued to waltz, I could even smell the backyard's scarlet orchids. Dad enjoyed caring for them. Flowers exist to remind us that life is so vivid, and the more love you put in, the more vibrant the color becomes. The almighty sun had found his way to sneakily illuminate the orchids, and introduce them like divas under the bright ball of fire.  

          My father did not teach me how to ride a bicycle, catch a fish, or the meaning of love. It was all in the little things he did that I could remember. I learned to appreciate music for the memory of him. Songs appeal to me in a personal, melodramatic way. Love itself is rather simple. It never asks people to be close to express affection, to say that this is my love for you. After all, the only thing that I know is that father has a special place in this little heart. The place where golden beams of sunshine cast a honeyed glow over lush velvety grass, where those breezy invisible dancing girls waltz to the melodic language that I've learned to speak. How calming, how pure.

 

“And all the love I have, is especially for you” 

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